Checking In

One of the reasons I started this blog is this episode of Fucking While Feminist (and if you aren’t listening to that podcast, you are seriously missing out). I like the idea of helping to provide a little of the representation I wish I could find.

I also rarely post, largely because I’m still trying to figure so much of this out and while thinking in writing is really useful to me, I dread doing so out loud where people can see it because most of the things I’d write about are touchy subjects. But! I was listening to that episode again on the way to work and Spectra┬ámentioned that she checks in with herself almost every day – what is she feeling good about (body-wise)? what is she feeling bad about (ditto)? – then works to emphasize the good stuff.

Since the body-hating phase I’m currently in has been going on for over a year at this point (way longer than I’m used to), I thought it might be good to give that exercise a try. And that it might be useful to do so here.

So. What do I feel good about about, with regard to my body?

  • My shoulders. They’re pretty broad compared to the rest of my body, and I like that.
  • My hair. I like its current color a lot.

Wow, that’s it? OK. It is what it is.

What do I feel bad about, with regard to my body?

  • How fat and curvy it is (big breasts! rolls of fat on my back and belly! huge butt!).
  • It hurts all the time, partly because of my fibro and partly because I don’t take as good care of it as I feel like I should.
  • My eyes need glasses full time now, and I don’t always remember to grab my glasses in the morning.
  • How to express this last one? My genitals in general. Feh.

Wow. Twice as many things I feel bad about (I know there are more if I just sat here but I’m trying to just go with the top-of-mind stuff rather than dig up a comprehensive list of all the things I feel bad about if I go looking to feel bad).

There’s a lot more energy in the things I feel bad about, too.

OK, how to emphasize the good stuff and downplay the bad?

  • Mirrors: dig my hair and shoulders, ignore the rest.
  • Stand/sit up straight, maybe? — will have to see if this emphasizes my breasts too much, but it ought to help with my shoulders.

OK, so there’s that. I guess we’ll see how it goes.